I am Maria Heinegg and these are inner workings of my half-hashed mind brought to you by the World Wide Webbing. I am a comedian as well as write for the Huffington Post Comedy Blog, ICanHasCheezburger.com and TheImpersonals.com. In addition, I try to optimize my mutual needs to cry yet maintain social acceptance by doing it in the middle of the night when I'm alone or, at the very least, on the weekends. It's a work in progress. Bon appetit.
The content on this blog is not mine unless otherwise stated, all rights belong to the respected owners.
It was Gay Pride weekend and the World Cup is also a thing. And I’m taking a stand to say that I believe liking soccer is a choice- you were not born that way. I have little to no interest in soccer but
Look at this dog. Right now. Okay, good work.
Foxy and I are basically the same person because we’re both wandering around hoping someone we make eye contact will feed us (and we both just pooped in the break room.)
I feel in the thick of it and I want all the sexy
Go ahead, somebody else. Tell me to “eat a handful of raw almonds” when I’m hungry. I will cut you. No one was ever hungry, ate a handful of plain almonds and then said the words, “all better. I am no longer hungry now.” Not ever.
As you can see, I am using Nola (above) to distract me from fun-sized Snickers and depression along with looking at pictures of European soccer players