Shit My Boss Said

“I know him like a book.”
“I never said that.”
“That Tootsie roll is going to make you break out.”
“I have totally been cold before.”
“Don’t touch me.”
“Can I have a quick massage?”
“I don’t share with anybody.”
“My eye hurts. I’ve had something in it since last night. I am NOT happy.”
“Do you know how much weight is in those carrots?”
“Carrots are really bad for you. I wouldn’t eat them.”
“Talk to the language.”
“Can you believe that idiot didn’t call me back?”