I am Maria Heinegg and these are inner workings of my half-hashed mind brought to you by the World Wide Webbing. I am a comedian as well as write for the Huffington Post Comedy Blog, ICanHasCheezburger.com and TheImpersonals.com. In addition, I try to optimize my mutual needs to cry yet maintain social acceptance by doing it in the middle of the night when I'm alone or, at the very least, on the weekends. It's a work in progress. Bon appetit.
The content on this blog is not mine unless otherwise stated, all rights belong to the respected owners.
The internet in my office has been down all day.
This fact makes our job impossible to do.
So, everyone is at their desks pretending to work when we can’t possibly be working.
And it’s the most honest thing that’s ever happened.
We’re just sitting here, openly but quietly toiling in nothing.
We all just know.
“I’m not a turkey burger.”
“I’m dead as a doorknob.”
“This free food cost me a fortune!”
Her: “How do you go to the Matrix?”
Me: “You’re already in it.”
“Stay at your desk while you’re sick. Don’t touch me.”
“Do you people feel hot and then feel cold?”
“The air conditioning is all over the place.”
“Keep me breasted..”
“It’s too hot for ice cream.”