I am Maria Heinegg and this is inner workings of my half-hashed mind brought to you by the World Wide Webbing. I am a comedian as well as write for the Huffington Post Comedy Blog, ICanHasCheezburger.com and Jest.com. In addition, I try to optimize my mutual needs to crying and maintain social acceptance by doing it in the middle of the night when I'm alone or, at the very least, on the weekends. It's a work in progress. You can check out some of my other writing on: HAHAJK.com, TheImpersonals.com and theSeattleSalmon.com.
The content on this blog is not mine unless otherwise stated, all rights belong to the respected owners.
“I know him like a book.”
“I never said that.”
“That Tootsie roll is going to make you break out.”
“I have totally been cold before.”
“Don’t touch me.”
“Can I have a quick massage?”
“I don’t share with anybody.”
“My eye hurts. I’ve had something in it since last night. I am NOT happy.”
“Do you know how much weight is in those carrots?”
“Carrots are really bad for you. I wouldn’t eat them.”
“Talk to the language.”
“Can you believe that idiot didn’t call me back?”