Look, I'm a Buffalo

Bitch on Craigslist


The following is a real string of emails between myself and some bitch from the Eastside. Oh, I’m sorry excuse my manners: some “lady bitch” from the Eastside. Better? Bitches be online shoppin’.

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From: Melissa Xxxxxxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.com via craigslist

To: Me

Date: Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 2:54 AM

Subject: Bose SoundDock For iPod/iPhone/iTouch - $160 (Seattle)

Hello 

Is your Bose Sound Dock still available?  How old is it?  Cash buyers Interested!

Thank you

Melissa  & Adam 

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From: Me

To: Melissa

Date: Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 3:21 PM

Hello

It is still available. It’s a couple of years old and in pristine condition.

Best,

Maria

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Meanwhile, I got an email from another guy who offered to meet me at lunch the next day and I agreed to meet with him. If he didn’t show up or decided not to buy it and I heard back from this lady, I’d planned to meet up with her.

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From: Melissa 

To: Me

Date: Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 4:21 AM

Hello Maria,

I live on the Eastside in Xxxxxxxxxx, WA.  Can you meet me over here possibly at a coffee shop like Starbucks so I can purchase it from you?

Starbucks off the freeway at the 265th exit.

Call me at 000-000-0001 so we can arrange to meet up.  

On Seattle side, I know how to get to Wallingford area/ 45th Street which has a Starbucks and a Tolleys Coffee.  Let me know your thoughts.  Look forward to hearing back.  

Thank you,

Melissa  & Adam 

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Meanwhile, I had sold the stereo at lunch and emailed her back AN HOUR AFTER IT SOLD. So, immediately.

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From: Me

To: Melissa

Date: Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 2:38 PM

Hi, Michelle. I had an offer to meet today and took it. I wish you the best of luck.

Maria

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From: Melissa 

To: Me

Date: Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 2:10 AM

Hello Maria,

I was going to give that as a Christmas gift to my son and I was prepared to meet you today.  I waited for you to call me or text me.   

I really appreciate you giving me the same treatment you would like from another person which is to follow up with a buyer you already have been communicating with to give them the first opportunity. Really don’t understand what happen there Maria! 

Melissa  & Adam 

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From: Me

To: Melissa

Date: Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 6:58 AM

Well, Melissa, I followed up with you when I had the opportunity. Maybe you should spend a little less time focusing on coaching Craigslist people and instead on bettering your own ability to not scold nor attempt to guilt strangers about a business transaction that had no guarantees on it, especially seeing as how I followed up with you within hours of making the sale and most people on here don’t at all on here. If you can’t handle the open forum style of Craigslist, try eBay or, I don’t know, maybe like an actual store?

I hope you find something else nice for your son for Christmas.

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From: Melissa 

To: Me

Date:  Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 2:30 PM

Hello Maria,

If you feel scolded or gulity maybe its because you know in your heart it wasn’t the best action you took and well now you have to live with that. 

What goes around comes around.

Melissa & Adam

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From: Me

To: Melissa

Date: Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 2:36 PM

Hahaha. I feel in my heart that you’re a sad woman who’s probably a huge bitch to sales people when they can’t answer back because they’re at work. Luckily, I’m not. So, go fuck yourself and think about getting a life. 

And yes, what goes around does come around so I’ll live well knowing it didn’t get money for my stereo from an idiot.

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From: Melissa 

To: Me

Date: Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 7:41 PM

When you don’t get your item your trying to purchase remember this.  Then you’ll know why.  

God Bless

Melissa & Adam

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From: Me

To: Melissa

Date: Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 8:02 PM

You seem to be a confused person and don’t understand God if you think such a being would care about your Craigslist purchases. Adorable!

Also, if you loved your son, just save up an extra $40 and buy him a new one. Don’t be such a cheapskate because Jesus keeps a list of that. You’re the worst.

Let me ask you a question, do sign your emails Melissa & Adam and Adam’s your son? Because only the most pathetic man, one who had no other option but to sit around listening to you talk because he came out of you, would do so. Unless your 8 year old is literally helping you write these emails, in which case, YIKES.

Have fun in Bible study, your highness.

Also, I never promised you the stereo and I would never buy anything off Craigslist so your hope for my karma is unfortunately impossible. Nice try, though. 

Good luck with everything! And what was it, “God Bless”. Yeah, you’ll need it, so you keep the blessing.

XOXO

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